11 Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms That Cause Harm

We all find ways to cope with difficult situations and emotions. Whether we choose them intentionally or engage automatically, our coping mechanisms are natural attempts to protect ourselves. The trouble comes because many of these coping habits only provide temporary pleasure or relief. They’re stand-in strategies that stall—rather than solve—underlying unrest.

Even when times are tough, it’s important to learn how to identify and avoid unhealthy coping strategies. We spoke with four health and wellness experts who walked us through some unhealthy coping mechanisms and explained how to choose healthier options for yourself.

Meet the experts

• Paula Pavlova is a certified yoga instructor, meditation leader, and founder of Pavlova Wellness.
• Cassie Majestic, MD, is an emergency medicine physician based in Orange County, CA.
• Yael Shy is a meditation teacher, senior director at the New York University Center for Spiritual Life, and a writer for Pause + Purpose.
• Sanam Hafeez, MD, is a New York City-based neuropsychologist and director of Comprehend the Mind.

1. Drinking too much

“As humans, we often choose the path of least resistance by ignoring the cues designed by our bodies and minds to help us learn from our history and each other,” says meditation leader and yoga instructor Paula Pavlova. “We use substances like drugs, food, and alcohol to drown our worries, pick little fights to avoid feeling our feelings, point out others’ flaws, and hold grudges instead of looking closely at ourselves.”

Many can agree that nothing can seem more soothing in the moment than a great cocktail or comforting glass of wine. Alcohol consumption in moderation is a pleasant and tasty escape—but during times of mental unrest, boredom, or depression, it is a very unhealthy way to cope.

“I recommend keeping the drinks to a minimum,” says emergency medicine physician Cassie Majestic. “While alcohol makes people feel more relaxed and happy initially, those effects are temporary. Keep yourself busy with other projects, goals, or interactions, and limit the amount of alcohol you keep in your home, so there’s a barrier to drinking in excess.”

2. Letting yourself binge

Allowing yourself to enjoy and indulge in something—without self-judgment—is an important practice in self-care and decompression. But balance is key, and self-care is not all about letting yourself run wild.

“Do you find yourself getting lost in your phone for hours, watching your 400th episode on Netflix? Eating everything in the fridge? You may want to consume everything to avoid thinking about the uncertainty, difficulty, anxiety, and plenty of other difficult emotions swirling in the air right now,” says Yael Shy, a meditation teacher and senior director at the New York University Center for Spiritual Life.

With urges to keep watching, scrolling, or snacking on sweets, what can you do instead? As Shy explains, research shows that behavioral changes come not by berating ourselves but instead by acknowledging and accepting our underlying impulses, without necessarily giving in to them every time.

Shy shares steps for curbing constant bingeing as a coping strategy:

• When you feel an urge to binge, pause and take a breath. Addiction feeds off mindless behavior. Even if you do ultimately cave to a craving, taking a pause before the binge reminds you of the agency you have over your own body, decisions, attention, and time.
• Notice the root of the impulse: Is it loneliness? Fear? Grief? What are you escaping when you get sucked into the next episode or hour of scrolling.
• With lots of compassion, put a hand on your heart and stomach, close your eyes, and say to yourself: “This is really hard. This is really uncomfortable. I know you want to escape.” Take 5 to 10 breaths repeating these phrases of self-compassion.

Tip: If you’ve tried everything above and still want to binge on something, do it with a sense of control. “Remove the mindless nature of the activity and replace it with some mindfulness,” Shy says. “Set a timer so you don’t do it forever and actually stop when the timer goes off.”

3. Not keeping a schedule

For a lot of people, not forcing themselves to stick to any sort of self-imposed schedule can be a way to console their sense of anxiety and uncertainty. But over time, lacking a sense of structure, as well as regular human interactions, will do more harm than good.

“If you’re in charge at work, schedule video meetings or lunches regularly with your team. If you’re flying solo, consider making yourself a schedule (with specific time-blocked slots) on work days,” Majestic says. “Consider using an old-school planner, since everything involves technology these days. And get out of those sweats! You can look forward to putting them back on when your work day is finished.”

4. Forgetting to breathe

Do you ever feel like you can’t breathe when you get overwhelmed with tasks, thoughts, or feelings or find that you’re unconsciously holding your breath while experiencing something stressful? You have to remember to breathe.

“It’s completely natural to find yourself on edge more often than usual—you’re not alone,” says Pavlova. “[But] depriving yourself of much-needed oxygen is not going to help carry that weight.”

Next time you feel your heart race, stomach churn, and jaw clench (all involuntary physical reactions to stress), Pavlova says to plant your feet firmly into the ground—or lie or sit down—and close your eyes.

“Take a deep, slow, steady breath all the way in (like you’re breathing into your legs and feet), hold it for a moment, then let it out just as slowly,” says Pavlova. Do this at least three times before returning to the task at hand. Only once you feel reconnected to your breath and more anchored in your body, get back to what you were doing before you took the break.

Tip: Practicing mindful meditation is a small but effective strategy. “Set aside time each day to focus on your breath, bodily sensations, or thoughts without judgment,” says New York City-based neuropsychologist Sanam Hafeez. “Take time each day to reflect on things you’re grateful for. Write down three things you appreciate or feel thankful for, whether big or small.”

5. Not exercising enough

Life is overwhelming enough as it is without trying to squeeze in a workout. But don’t take the easy route—you’ll thank yourself in the long run. You need heart-pumping activity in your life for everything from heart, bone, and muscle health, to regulating mood, increasing energy, and improving sleep quality. Exercise releases endorphins, which can boost mood and reduce symptoms of anxiety and depression.

“Even if you don’t have a Peloton or weights at home, there are so many at-home workouts to choose from on platforms like YouTube or Instagram,” says Majestic, who loves HIIT workouts because they rarely require equipment.

• Stream fitness videos from home.
• Take a free yoga class.
• Run the stairs in your building.
• Use that full jug of laundry detergent as your heavy kettlebell.

“If nothing else, get outside for a walk and keep your body moving throughout the day in short intervals,” Majestic says.

6. Allowing too many negative thoughts

“A common way stress manifests itself is as a creeping mentality of lack,” says Pavlova. “We feel as though we ourselves are not enough, or that there’s never enough time, money, energy, talent, support—you fill in the blank.” While in some cases this might be true, harping solely on what there is not enough of, or what isn’t working, isn’t going to change it.

“When you find yourself mentally spiraling about what is lacking, create more awareness about the opposite: abundance,” Pavlova says. “Abundance mentality empowers you to believe in your ability to conquer any circumstance (seen or unforeseen) by believing in yourself, no matter how long it takes.”

This doesn’t mean leaning into the idea of more stuff (money, power, goods); an abundance mindset is one of optimism and agency rather than negativity and helplessness. Despite the negative things—of which there will always be some—what do you have? What is there plenty of in your life? What good things have you accomplished today, even if they’re small?

“The concept of ‘not enough’ is a construct in a system that we ultimately create: We agree to the deadlines, we vote in our leaders, and we feed our fears with rhetoric that makes us feel powerless,” Pavlova says. “Instead, think of yourself as the hero. When you believe in yourself, you begin to make an impact on the world around you rather than the other way around. Life happens because of you, not to you.”

7. Using food as a reward

Good food and mealtime rituals are absolutely something to look forward to. But eating way too often or disproportionately unhealthily shouldn’t become your regular strategy for coping when things aren’t going well.

“When it feels like there’s nothing else to do or be happy about, we order takeout and binge,” Majestic says. Food becomes a distraction, a treat, or a pick-me-up—like giving a kid a lollipop at the dentist. “This leads to further bad habits and puts you at increased risk for medical problems such as high blood pressure and cholesterol.”

Majestic recommends trying out a new recipe every day—nothing fancy, just something new. “Choose breakfast, lunch, or dinner depending on your schedule, but the more home cooking you do, the better,” she says. “It will give you a sense of responsibility for your health. Use the weekends to reward yourself (in moderation) if you’re feeling it.”

According to Hafeez, it is important to practice mindful eating by paying attention to the sensations, tastes, and textures of your food. “Mindful eating can help you develop a healthier relationship with food and improve digestion, so slow down and savor each bite, being fully present in the moment,” says Hafeez.

8. Denying your true feelings

“When we feel unsafe or triggered, our nervous system is designed to protect us, and sometimes we can get caught in the trap of thinking that [repressing] our true feelings—by dropping out of a conversation, tailoring our feelings, or keeping opinions to ourselves—is an act of self-preservation,” says Pavlova.

In the moment, this strategy helps avoid conflict, shields you from discomfort, or caters to someone else’s feelings. But Pavlova insists this coping mechanism is actually an act of self-denial that can build, potentially creating a pattern of self-sabotage and low self-esteem.

“We often curb our true feelings, deny our worth, or shift our opinions to fit in with the status quo, all at the expense of our health and wellbeing. Alternatively, being yourself, fearlessly, is the greatest act of self-love,” Pavlova says. “Failure and rejection are guaranteed, but they don’t have to rule your life. Guarantee yourself love, respect, and forgiveness even, and especially, when others can’t.”

9. Withdrawing from social interactions

“With the information overload and controversy in the world, you may feel like nixing social interaction altogether, but this can lead to depression and anxiety,” Majestic says. It’s paramount to keep your loved ones close and have regular interactions, but don’t push it.

Majestic suggests keeping friend circles small and manageable to avoid social anxiety, overstimulation, and conflict. “Don’t forget about therapy,” says Majestic, which can be a great tool to work through periods of social isolation.

10. Excessive screen time

According to Hafeez, spending excessive amounts of time on electronic devices, social media, or video games as a way to escape reality can “hinder personal growth, productivity, and mental well-being.” Hafeez recommends a digital detox to reset and recharge.

“Take regular breaks from screens and digital devices to reduce mental clutter and overwhelm. Disconnecting from technology can help you reconnect with yourself and foster a sense of calm and balance,” says Hafeez. “Instead, engage in creative activities that bring you joy, such as painting, drawing, playing music, or writing poetry. Creative expression can be a powerful outlet for emotions and a source of personal fulfillment.”

11. Overworking

Sometimes, to avoid thinking of a personal problem, we direct all of our energy into our professional lives, which can lead to even more issues. “Using work as a primary means to cope with stress or avoid dealing with personal issues can lead to burnout, strained relationships, and neglect of other important aspects of life,” says Hafeez.

Focusing on work might sound like a positive distraction and a win-win for getting your tasks done, but bringing the office home can also lead to workplace resentment, causing you to actually do your job less adequately.

Hafeez recommends journaling to help release or consolidate your thoughts. “Keep a journal to express your thoughts, feelings, and experiences. Writing can help you gain insight into your emotions, identify patterns, and find clarity in challenging situations,” says Hafeez.